Thursday, July 3, 2008

From 5/28/08: We often watch nature as remote observers. We watch the processes and actions of seasons and organisms- the short lived flush of desert annual wildflowers after rain and the promise in a multitude of seeds, the dance of pollination each new generation of bees will perform, the regeneration of summer burned landscapes from winter rains- seldom discovering our own rhythms in these processes. We cycle through every day without noticing them... until one day something comes along to disturb them.
   Over a week ago I began having high fevers for no apparent cause. What was at first uncomfortable became disconcerting and so I went to the hospital. It turns out I have a large tumor in my chest. An aggressive and advanced stage of lymphoma may be likely. Soon I begin scheduling biopsies. The biopsies will determine the extent, the kind of cancer and what combination of treatments will ensue, though chemotherapy is almost certainly in the recipe.
   I don't know how to tell everyone, or what to expect in telling you all. I just wanted you to know. I might want to see you in the coming weeks and months. Its likely I'll need your help. Maybe I'll just need a letter or a phone call... but obviously I am no longer in a position to pretend that I don't need the help of the people around me. My biggest hope is to continue life as normally as possible over the coming weeks. That is all I know. I'm in a limbo where each day is what it is and comes when the sun rises and no more. I'm sorry about this letter and the news it contains. It almost seems unthoughtful to burden you with it. Its just one of those things I wanted to get out of the way now. Scott

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