Friday, November 14, 2008

When you move to a new place its exciting: new neighborhoods, streets to learn, buildings to orient by, parks to explore, people to watch and friends to meet, apartment hunting and job seeking. It's a challenge and its energizing. When cancer was new I was energized. Dare I say in it's newness it was somehow exciting? Life suddenly had a time frame, an end was coming into focus. Where as previously I had wandered with little thought to destination- this new place, mapped by mortality, had an endpoint. Earth quakes might end lives in this city, but they also lift the beautiful mountains that frame our views. Alas we go to and from work, or where ever it is we go, every day, we pass them by, and eventually we stop seeing them.
My cancer treatment has become routine. It fits into my schedule like work, like laundry. At first I was inspired to find and make something pretty with words and pictures. Now I put it off, Ill write next week. Ill go for a hike tomorrow. I'll bring my camera the next day. So I haven't updated this in awhile. I'll try to start again. 
6 weeks ago my treatment was delayed. My white blood cell count had dropped too low to proceed. We waited an extra week and started up again. Now I inject myself with a bone marrow booster for 5 days after each chemo. They don't want to delay another treatment- it could ruin the efficacy of what I've been going through. My hair continues to thin, but not so much that I'm bald. The fatigue and nausea last almost until the next treatment, as does the horrible metallic/chemical taste that taints my mouth. Luckily this story is punctuated with enough moments of energy that I've also had the time to enjoy life here and there over the past month or two.
Speaking of life, today, friday, should be my 2nd to last chemotherapy treatment. Next week, November 20th, I'll be scanned to see if there are any active cancer cells left in my body. If not, my last chemotherapy will be on December 1st! Two weeks later I'll start radiation therapy, 5 days a week, for 4 to 6 weeks. Luckily this targets only the tumor and is not a systemic treatment, so the side effects should be less severe.